Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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