What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize