walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
