i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
