i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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