Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize