I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
