Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
