Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
