maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
no you cant smoke seaweed
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
