shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
