I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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