I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize