I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Why did my mother make you get naked?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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