this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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