I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
