im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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