The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
