I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
