My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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