Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
