She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
