Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
