Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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