Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
