I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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