before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
