i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
