the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
