We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
