i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize