are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize