i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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