You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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