I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
