So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
