dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
