i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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