Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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