Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
