dude i'm inner monologue high
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
