Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
