Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
