are you so shy because you have an std?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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