think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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