I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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