I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
