dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
