SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
