Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
