All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
