girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
