She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
