fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
