Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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