So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
