Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
