I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
