i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
