worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize