You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
