it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
