ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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