your parents love me but you hate me
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
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