i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
