I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
