If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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