why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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