I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
