Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
