Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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