Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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