I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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