Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
