god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
