I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
