So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
