I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
