I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
